Well Thanksgiving is over and on to Christmas, my favorite holiday! It means getting together with friends and family! What are your holiday traditions?
Every year since I can remember my Aunt has hosted a Dirty Santa gift exchange! I always look forward to this party as my cousins are super creative! I’m always a last minute shopper, but this year I thought I’d help myself and every one else out and put together a list of fun Dirty Santa gift ideas.
GIFT IDEA 1:
Summer Sausage and Two Clementines
AKA The Cock and Balls gift! Make sure to gift wrap it for extra flare! I recommend a fun Christmas wrapping paper with white curly cue string attached at the tip. You know why… ((wink wink))
GIFT IDEA 2:
J. BRADY SEASONINGS
Want to be classy but give a good gift that keeps giving? J. Brady’s seasonings will NOT disappoint.. If you follow me on Instagram at Just_Jenna_Bee you will know his seasonings are THE BEST!!! Even my KIDS love them! He offers a variety pack which has seasonings for every type of dish. I love to experiment! This is a definite crowd pleaser and keeps you looking like a good human!
GIFT IDEA 3:
Gift Card to a local retailer or box store
Give them something to fight over!! It’s not the holidays unless a family feud ensues right? Or at least that’s what every likes to joke about… Here’s a crowd pleasing idea for everyone! A gift card for your parties particular price range! Typically Dirty Santa gifts are $10-25. I recommend grabbing one from a local boutique or gift shop! Why not support your local family and friends? Don’t know one? Go to a box retailer such as Victoria Secret or Target! I know I’d be all over that like Santa on a cookie plate. Another idea could be a gift card to your local gas station!
GIFT IDEA 4:
Rolls of Pennies
I know you, you’re an Uncle Bill, that family member or friend that likes to be a prankster. But you have more of a PG rating approach to Dirty Santa than others. Give the heaviest gift of all and everyone will be curious as per what this frilly package of heavy goodness could possibly be inside! Go to your local bank with your Dirty Santa money and cash it right in for those copper pennies of annoyingness! You’re welcome!
GIFT IDEA 5:
Bag ‘O Chips and a Six pack of Beer
This is the perfect gift in my opinion and I’d like to credit my favorite cousin of all time for this, Michelle, she’s the closet thing to a perfect woman you can get and she has such a creative gift giving mind. It is one of her true talents. I love this gift idea ESPECIALLY if you’re a last minute gift wrangler like myself! Fumble through your closet ‘O crap, you know you have one, and grab one of the 1000’s of gift bags that you’ll “use one day” then stop in to your local corner store and grab a 6 pack and a bag of chips. Then Bippity Boppity Boom you’re ready to roll in to your Dirty Santa party like a gawd dang hero! Have a little more time? Get creative and fill an empty 6-pack carton with your favorite Local Craft beers!
GIFT IDEA 6:
If your mind leans to the inherently dark side of life and you want to give them something to really talk about, this next gift idea will literally knock their socks off!
A Porn DVD and pair of Christmas Tube socks ((sung to the tune of a partridge and a pear tree))
This gift is sure to disturb Aunt Mickey though secretly she’ll probably want those bomb Christmas socks. I’d like to credit my mother for this fantastic idea. Thanks MOMMASITA! Make sure those Christmas stockings are silky smooth too! That way they slide up and down easily on what ever body part, be it a foot or… ((stares blankly then winks)) where ever your happy gift recipient opts to place it. But I digress…
GIFT IDEA 7
A Local Work of Grotesque or Strange Art or a Family Pet
This one may break the bank but could be worth it. I know when I received a, water color on fabric, painting of magical unicorns and lions fighting in the sun I was happier than a kid in a candy store! You may think you are gifting the BEST terrible Dirty Santa present ever but you never know! Art, after all, is in the eye of the beholder! Not to mention you’ll once again be a hero by helping support locally!
GIFT IDEA 8
Farting Piggy Bank
God my cousins are seriously geniuses. This gift idea comes direct from my Texas cousin, Leah. You know what they say “Everything is bigger in Texas”, and this big ‘Ol booty ready to eat your coins is hilarious and annoying. It’s a real crowd pleaser with your immature relatives and a pain for the person who married them. As once they receive this delightful gift, they will immediately hope their counter part received GIFT IDEA 4 so they can make that booty fart for hours, that is, if you’re at a couples Dirty Santa Party. If the recipient of this gift is anything like my husband, they will want to put it on display proudly for all to enjoy daily!
GIFT IDEA 9
Truthfully, this is a great gift idea for most people but lame if you ask me. My sense of smell is Spiderman like, just ask my good friend Darcy. She goes to great lengths to be my friend as we are complete opposites in our passion for scented goodness and like the real troll I am I request all the candles be put out before my arrival. Nevertheless, there are so many people out there that are all about their candles and smells! You might even get crazy with it and pair it with a scented hand wash! You know… for extra flare!
GIFT IDEA 10
A Christmas Decoration
It is Christmas after all! And who doesn’t love to add to their Christmas decor stash? If you’re like me I like to fill my house will all the Christmas decor goodness! So this gift is sure to please the Christmas lovers in the crowd if nothing else! Pick up a statue of Santa or some adorable ornaments. The Christmas decoration possibilities are endless!
Good luck friends I hope this list finds you well and happy this holiday season and remember, ‘Tis the season to be Jolly! So don’t be sad when you don’t get to take the Porno home with ya! Ya filthy animals!
XO- Just Jenna Bee